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There are many choices
in settings such as schools, working with children,
developmental disabilities or courts and prison systems just
to name a few. I began to think about what type of counselor
I wanted to be, but honestly it was easier to decide what
type of counselor I did not want to be. I began a
reflective process on past experiences, addressing my
biases’, values and even spirituality.
There has always been a
great need for counselors with diverse backgrounds and I
certainly fit much of that diverse content but that still
was not enough to narrow down my choices. One year, on
February 29, a memory was triggered while typing the date on
some paperwork. It was the birthdate of one of my older
brothers and we often joked about him only being a portion
of his age due to that date only occurring every four years.
In 1994, I returned
to Toledo on emergency leave from my active duty Air Force
tour in England to attend this same brother’s funeral. My
brother was 36 years old and had been gunned down and
murdered by a 14-year-old adolescent for the contents of his
wallet. My last memory of my brother was having dinner with
him and his family; a wife of 12 years and two daughters
ages three and five, at their home just one week before I
left for basic training for the military in 1990. My
brother was employed by the City of Toledo as a mechanic.
He had always had a passion for working on cars and I
vividly remembered old cars or engine parts in and around
the front yard.
Years later, returning
to Toledo in 2011, I hardly recognized the city in which I
was born and raised. Many past memories surfaced. I visited
my mother’s grave and found myself driving through
neighborhoods in which I once lived and even the home where
my brother and his family resided which was now empty and
abandoned.
I could not help but
wonder what happened to the adolescent who was now an adult
and the outcome of the trial he faced with the murder of my
brother. I learned he was imprisoned for a life sentence
not only for my brother’s death but for several others.
After much research, learned about this individual’s life
story how he was abandoned as a child, and shuffled through
foster home after foster home. He was a victim of trauma
and many types of abuse. My reaction to this information
was met with uncontrollable tears not only for the loss of
my brother but for this man who endured a tragic childhood.
My thoughts raced realizing that this story was not an
isolated incident and that many lives have been destroyed as
both he and my brother were victims.
It was that defining
moment I knew I did not want to be a counselor in the courts
which was governed by the “justice system,” because I could
not determine the answers to questions such as justice for
whom? What is justice? Who decides justice? And most
importantly would my ability and passion as a counselor even
have an effect on this thing called justice.
My nine-year-old son
recently asked me, “mom, if you could have any super power
in the world what would it be?” I smiled and returned the
very same question to my son. His answer gave me solace in
knowing I have been doing a pretty good job as a mom.
Take a mental health
moment and question your strengths and weaknesses. It’s
important to know regardless of your job, career or
profession. It helps you to know what you realistically can
and cannot do as a human being. No super power will ever
change the course of my brother’s tragic death nor the
unfortunate experiences of the adolescent who was forgotten,
neglected, hurt and traumatized.
I made the decision
to become a mental health counselor to help people heal from
broken hearts often caused by the lack of justice to the
treatment of human beings beginning at birth. You don’t
have to be a counselor nor possess super powers to value
life, not just yours but all lives ….. “with
liberty and justice for all.”
Bernadette Graham is a Licensed Professional Counselor,
National Certified Counselor and Certified Grief Recovery
Specialist. She is available for presentations and speaking
engagements on mental health topics. Provide feedback or
reach out at graham.bernadette@gmail.com For appointment
information please call 419.409.4929
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