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I put my head down in the hopes that Noodles would
gaze over the crowd and would not spot me. I was wrong.
Noodles waived when I looked up and I knew what was coming
next.
Noodles:
Hey, Mr. T.! What’s up! What are you sermonizing on this
time? What’s up on your tripwire?
Me:
Hi, Noodles. (He sits down and folds his hands in a praying
gesture). Oh, just killing some time with this book. Have
you read it?
Noodles:
(He slowly unfolds his hands and raises his fingertips so
his knuckles are ready to pounce on my hapless fries). Oh
yeah. Read it while I was locked up at CCNO.
Great read. Too bad I didn’t have that book while I was at
Libbey High. Could have saved me.
Me:
( I slowly move my fries out of attack range). Say, what’s
your take on the Freddie Gray matter in Baltimore and the
sub-text of absentee fathers?
Noodles:
(His fingers watching my fries with deadly intent). It’s all
true and then some. Love my moms but when my dad left when I
was11, I was mad and took it out by bullying some kids at
the playground. Looking back, not happy about that.
If more fathers knew the impact they had on their kids
growing up and being a dad to them, we would have less
Baltimores around the country.
Me:
(Cautiously eating a few fries knowing that in a moment or
two, they will be gone).
The way I read it, this issue of dads missing in action has
been going on big time since the 60s. Open welfare policies
where fathers were not championed in the family and the mom
could not get benefits if he was around and not working. So
it was best for a dad to leave so mom could get some
benefits for the kids.
Noodles:
(He sends out one hand to scout the terrain where my fries
are sitting ducks). Hold up, chief. Not so fast. Gotta
remember that it takes two to get a junior nine months
later. Too many of these girl-kids were having babies with
these boy-kids and that was seen as the thing to do. Media
and Hollywood played up this single mom nonsense to the
point where it was fashionable to have a child out of
wedlock; and all of that gibberish about you don’t need a
man to raise a child.
Me:
Yeah, that is so true but when did the wheels fall of the
wagon with skyrocketing
babies being born out of wedlock? If the family is not
teaching values that respect
marriage and a work ethic, what happens?
Noodles:
(The successful hand nabs a single fry and brings it back to
base camp for the other fingers to authenticate it). Hey,
some of that blame is on us and not the white man or
society. We bought into that lie that marriage was optional
and that dads were disposable. The price we are paying for
it now is astronomical!
Me:
(I cringe at the loss of the solo fry knowing what is coming
next).
What comes first? Jobs or babies? What’s more important?
Establishing your base first and then getting married or
just hook up and see what happens?
Noodles:
(The other fingers authenticate the captured fry and make
plans for a full frontal assault on the remaining scared
fries). Funny you would say that. While I was at CCNO, the
brothers in the joint were watching all of the prior news
about the police shootings of black men and all to a tee
said that they were out there with their buds trying to
prove their manhood by fighting the cops who they saw as the
enemy.
When I asked them how many had a dad or an uncle in their
early life, very few hands went up. They simply did not know
what was expected of them, so they made it up on the fly.
Their moms tried to help but a mom cannot be a dad.
Me:
(I gobble down a few more fries and silently say goodbye to
the remaining pile of fries). So, what is your story? How
did you escape a lot of misery growing up in North Toledo?
How did you make it out alive and intact?
Noodles:
(Emboldened by the recent victory, the other fingers slowly
march towards the potato prize). For me, it was three older
male cousins that stepped up to the plate and talked with me
about life and what to avoid and how to act in public and to
get an education. Now, I did not listen to all of their
advice as you can see by my third time at CCNO but I knew
from them what is expected of a male and what you gotta do
to make it in this tough place called America.
Me:
(I see the advancing fingers and resign myself to another
defeat). Do you think it is too late to try to call dads
back into the lives of their young kids and connect with
their families?
Noodles:
(Sensing an overwhelming French-fry victory at hand, he sits
up in his chair to direct the final assault and takedown).
It is never too late to love what you help create even if
you are just there with a helping hand or a corrective and
kind word.
Some kids need a little push and some kids need a hard shove
to get it right. What counts is that you do your best and
respect their moms and tell your kids that you love them and
that they can be overcomers.
Me:
(I sadly watch as the remaining fries go off to captivity
and utter desolation).
That sounds good but what about systemic policies that
prevent or hinder the black family becoming sound again.
What happens then?
Noodles:
(Slowly stuffing his mouth with my captured French fries).
Now, on those
anti-family and anti-black governmental policies, we gotta
fight and make our voices heard. Power does not surrender
without a struggle. The dads have got to come together and
realize that they got to undergird this continuing struggle
for fair play and equal justice and affordable housing and
accessible jobs or we are simply fodder for the prison
complex. The schools that fail us have got to be revamped
and the rogue cops that brutalize people of color have got
to be brought to justice.
But we as black folk have got to get our act together and
quit acting the fool when it comes to kids having kids and
on the other hand not demanding a quality education.
Look at me. I have both a college degree and a master’s
degree but I had to walk on cut glass to do it but I did it
because my family and church and uncles did not give up on
me and they gave me a vision to reach for.
Me:
(Well, so much for reading my book!). Sounds good to me. So,
where are you going now, now that you gobbled up my fries?
Noodles:
(Smiling his gap tooth smile). Me? I am on my way to the
library to
help kids to read and this weekend, I am going to the
juvenile detention center with my church group and tell the
kids there to keep hope alive. Peace out!
Me:
Good plan. Go for it.
Contact Lafe Tolliver at Tolliver@Juno.com
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