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Sexuality, for “mature”
individuals in general and black clergy, in particular, is
something that is seen as radical or even obscene by most
who live in this current era where youth and the procreative
dimension of relationships predominates.
Yet, the splitting of
spirituality and sexuality has had a devastating impact and
negative influence upon African American relationships,
according to Lee Butler, Ph.D. In a society where most youth
in communities of color seldom witness marriages that have
lasted 15, 20 years or more and female-headed households are
the norm, the need for successful relationship models is
great.
A great deal of black
marriages lack relational openness and intimacy. In many
instances, we often find that in addition to our spouse, we
are also married to our jobs, church, sorority or fraternity
and/or hobbies.
Marriage, however, is a
commitment that requires nurture and care. If neglected, the
relationship will die. And, while procreation may not be
possible or even desired, the need for intimacy, love,
friendship and companionship will always be present.
This week I wanted to share
with the Truth’s readers, my own efforts to add spice to my
marriage and to keep it fresh despite others’ preconceived
notions of what a “man of God” should do in his own house
with his own wife.
I have a standing weekly date
with my wife called Fridays Cooking With Wife. We work
together in planning and preparing a meal each week. The
wife decorates the table and selects a fresh flower
arrangement. We discuss (and debate, mostly) each week’s
menu and develop a grocery list. I pick up the ingredients
and work primarily as the sous chef, cutting, peeling and
preparing the ingredients. Usually, she prepares the main
dish and helps me with the sides. The grill, however, is my
domain.
While we are cooking, the
house is rocking with old and new school, hip hop, neo-soul,
dance to romance music from a playlist custom selected to
fit with the dinner theme. Finally, just prior to sitting
down to eat, we freshen up and apply designer or niche
fragrances to our bodies, providing a sensual scent to make
the atmosphere complete.
I won’t talk about post-meal
activities, but one thing that I can say, is that my lovely
wife is also a fabulous cook. But, for us, it is also an
opportunity to spend time together at the end of a busy week
and allows us to “experiment” and “create” by working
together using each other’s strengths while providing
support for each other in the areas that we are less strong.
More than anything, my
Fridays Cooking With Wife strengthens our marriage and helps
us to maintain a healthy relationship. My hope is that other
couples will join us on Fridays by cooking and sharing your
meals on social media also.
As inspiration to keep the
“fires” of your home burning, I leave you with recipes from
one of our fabulous Friday cooking dates:
FRIED
LOBSTER TAIL
Ingredients:
4 (4-6 oz) lobster tail,
shelled and thawed
peanut oil for frying
1 cup of buttermilk
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp salt
1 cup self-rising flour
wooden skewers
2 tsp Louisiana or Tennessee
Sunshine hot sauce
Stir buttermilk and hot sauce
in a bowl. Add lobster tails, coat well, cover and place in
the refrigerator for at least 10 minutes.Combine self-rising
flour, salt, and onion powder in a shallow pan. Remove
lobster tails from the buttermilk and skewer lengthwise in
order to prevent from curling up during the frying process.
Dredge the tails in the
flower, coating well and place in the pan of oil. Fry until
golden brown and turn carefully to brown other side. Cover
pan and cook an additional five minutes. Drain on paper
towels and carefully remove skewers.
CREAMY
SUMMER SUCCOTASH
Ingredients:
3 cups frozen baby lima beans
1 bunch chopped green onions
1 tbsp fresh minced garlic
4 cups fresh yellow corn
kernels (about 6 ears)
2 cups heavy whipping cream
1 tbsp chopped fresh thyme
salt to taste
½ teaspoon black pepper
2 cups grape tomatoes cut in
halves
1 pound thick sliced bacon,
cooked and crumbled (save drippings)
Combine lima beans with
enough water to cover in a medium saucepan. Bring to boil
over medium-high heat; reduce heat and simmer for 20-25
minutes.
In a Dutch oven, heat bacon
drippings. Add onion and garlic, and cook 5 minutes stirring
frequently. Add corn kernels, lima beans, cream, thyme, salt
and pepper. Cook for 35 minutes, stirring occasionally until
corn kernels are tender. Add tomatoes. Cook for 2 minutes
until tomatoes are heated through. Top with crumbled bacon.
Good Loving and Bon Appetit!
Contact Rev. Donald Perryman, D.Min, at
drdlperryman@centerofhopebaptist.org
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