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Democrats on Capitol Hill are nervously taking
all-night cram courses in Donald’s best-selling book, The
Art of the Deal, so they can figure out how The Donald
thinks.
Hillary Clinton has been spotted in the Seychelles
Islands wandering amongst the brilliantly white sand dunes
with Bill, shell shocked and mumbling out loud to herself,
“It was my turn…it was my turn to be president!”
At the same time, Bill Clinton is practically in tears
thinking about the
many young and shapely interns whom he will never have a
chance to show the inner workings of the Oval Office.
China and Mexico are hastily recalling their
ambassadors for immediate conferences regarding their
economic policies of sending cheap goods to the US markets
made by low-paid peons working in sweatshops.
Russia has gone on a full military alert and the pudgy
and erratic North Korean dictator has called in his friend,
the former NBA basketball star Dennis Rodman, for private
consults about a Trump presidency.
Vidal Sasoon stock prices rose over 400 percent due to
everyone now wanting the “Dah-nold” signature hair spray
coiffure.
Rick Perry hastily takes off his recently-acquired
intellectual looking heavy black eyeglasses and says to no
one in particular, “If I is dumb as a doorknob, so be it!”
Jeb Bush yells, “No Mas!” and retreats to a private
housing enclave in Mexico with his wife and family vowing
never to run again for political office.
U.S. Senators Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, suddenly and
without warning, leave their shocked spouses and later get
married and run off to start a coffee and pastries bar in
Amarillo, Texas.
They were married by the former President Jimmy Carter in
front of the Lincoln Memorial. All three men wore matching
pink ties and socks.
Michelle Obama receives a $10 million advance on a book
deal from Amazon to write her memoirs including her
unvarnished reaction to people calling her daughters “ghetto
trash” and her take on Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity of Fox
News.
Barack Obama goes, unnoticed, to a secret bank vault in
New York City and gets an original document that shows that
he was indeed born in Kenya! He smiles and suddenly
leaves the country, under the cover of night, to practice
immigration law in Nairobi. Valerie Jarrett, his longtime
political adviser and friend, is hysterical and crushed by
the news.
Defense contractors sing, “Happy Days Are Here Again!”
as they line up to cash in on multi-billion dollar military
contracts due to Donald’s promise to make America again rule
the world!
Hispanic voters who voted 8-1 against the Trump panic
and start leaving the country in droves heading back to
Costa Rica, Honduras, Mexico and Panama while singing the
plaintive tune, “Adios Amigos.”
They leave hundreds of thousands of torn up green cards in
their exits.
Donald issues an executive order by which he places
over the front door of the White House a lit sign of gold
applique letters, nine feet by nine feet, thats sparkles and
blinks, TRUMP MANSION!
The chairman of the Republican Party takes an extended
leave of absence and voluntarily admits himself into the
Betty Ford Hospital for acute depression treated only by
daily electrical shocks.
The recently-opened ambassador’s residence and embassy
in Havana, Cuba is quietly closed and boarded up by unknown
agents.
A confused Senator John McCain is found walking in
circles outside of the Dover Air Force Base and asking to be
returned to captivity in North Vietnam.
Asked why, he says, “Anything is better than a Trump
presidency!”
Donald packs the U.S. Supreme Court with an additional
six justices of his own choosing and when the
currently-sitting justices vehemently protest, The Donald,
on national television tells them, “You’re Fired!”
In an executive order numbered 325, The Donald declares
the day after Christmas to be the Day of The Donald with
everyone making merriment due to The Donald’s enthusiasm
driving up the stock market over 800 points in just three
days after his inauguration.
Senator Mitch McConnell and Congressman John Boehner
come, hat in hand, to The Donald asking for mercy and Trump
grants them political amnesty regarding their concerted acts
of trying to derail his presidency bid.
Later, but too late, it is found out that The Donald
overinflated his estimation of his wealth by a factor of
100. He is only worth about $25 million. When asked about
these inflated figures, The Donald says, “Everyone loves
me…don’t worry about it!”
The Donald’s arch nemesis, Lawrence O’Donnell, of the
MSNBC network, mysteriously disappears but is later found in
Rio teaching samba lessons to expats and half-heartedly
assisted by an equally depressed Rachel Maddow.
In another executive order, The Donald has his likeness
carved into Mount Rushmore wearing a gold chain with a large
“T” that can be seen from outer space.
When asked about his tax policies and the national
debt, Trump indicates that he wants all loyal Americans to
send in their next eight paychecks to the IRS and the IRS
will send back to them what the IRS determines is needed for
their expenses.
Millions of people, infatuated with the logic and deep
wisdom of The Donald do so and the national debt is wiped
out in seven months!
So, people…relax. A Trump presidency won’t be that bad
after all!
Contact Lafe Tolliver at
Tolliver@Juno.com
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