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I made an social etiquette blunder, I asked a business
question at a social event that had nothing to do with what
brought us together in the first place. I quickly recognized
that I had switched to business and said “I’m sorry we are
not here for that we can talk later” and the person I was
speaking with was very gracious and said in short, no
problem...email me and then we switched back to a more
casual social conversation.
My point with this story is as I’ve said in other articles,
etiquette is about the other person and how comfortable they
feel with you.
This brings me to ask the question, do you have a strategy
in place to help you as a leader to recognize where your
team’s level of maturity and abilities are in order to
achieve the desired goal?
In our community and around the world, this is a time of
politics, organizations and churches changing leadership.
New teams have been developed, board members terms have
expired and new board members have accepted a seat at the
table. People are seeking to retire and preparing their
successors, or people are striving to move into new
leadership roles.
Again, do you have a strategy in place to help you as a
leader recognize where your team’s level of maturity and
ability stands? Does your team represent your image and
brand in a decent etiquette manner without you having to
continue to coach them on what to say or how to act on a
day-to-day basis?
In my story, my instincts kicked in and said STOP this is
not a decent behavior/conversation at this time. In other
words, this is not in good taste. If I did not recognize
that I was displaying poor taste I could have made this
person very uncomfortable and made myself look like a person
who had no “home training.”
Here is a strategy I would like to share with you. I have
studied and researched Dr. Bruce Tuckman’s 1965 Forming
Storming Norming Performing model and the added fifth stage,
Adjourning, created in the 1970’s.
This model lay out step-by-step leadership styles that the
leader may have to change from stage-to-stage beginning with
a directing style, on to a coaching, to participating and
finishing with a position of delegating and overseeing.
Listed below are brief descriptions of the characteristics
of each stage of the Tuckman’s model:
Forming:
High dependence on leader for guidance and direction.
Individual roles and responsibilities are unclear. Leader
must be prepared to answer lots of questions about the
team’s purpose, objectives, and external relationships.
Processes of team are often ignored. Members test tolerance
of system and leader. At this stage the leader directs the
members.
Storming:
The group has a difficult time making decisions. Team
members began to compete for positions as they attempt to
establish themselves in relation to other team members and
the leader, this may cause team members to receive
challenges from other team members. Clarity of purpose
increases but plenty of uncertainties persist.
Cliques and factions form and there may be power struggles.
At this stage, teams need to be focused on its goals to
avoid becoming distracted by relationships and emotional
issues. Compromises may be required to enable progress. At
this stage the leader is the coach.
Norming:
At this stage, agreement and consensus largely forms among
the team, who respond well to facilitation by the leader.
Roles and responsibilities are clear and accepted. Big
decisions are made by group agreement and smaller decisions
may be delegated to individuals or small teams within
groups. Commitment and unity is strong and the team may
engage in fun and social activities. The team discusses and
develops its processes and working style. There is general
respect for the leader and some of leadership is more shared
by the team. At this stage the leader facilitates and
enables the team.
Performing:
The team is more strategically aware and knows clearly why
it is doing what it is doing. The team has a shared vision
and is able to stand on its own feet with no interference or
participation from the leader. The team has a high degree of
autonomy. Disagreements occur but now they are resolved
within the team positively and necessary changes to
processes and structure are made by the team.
The team is able to work towards achieving the goal and also
to attend to relationship, style and process issues along
the way. Team members look after each other. The team
requires delegated tasks and projects from the leader. The
team does not need to be instructed or assisted. Team
members might ask for assistance from the leader with
personal and interpersonal development. At this stage the
leader delegates and oversees.
Last but not least we have Tuckman’s fifth stage,
adjourning.
Adjourning:
This is the “break-up” of the group as Tuckman describe it.
Hopefully when the task is completed successfully, its
purpose fulfilled, everyone can move on to new things,
feeling good about what’s been achieved. In this stage,
feelings of insecurity would be natural for people with high
steadiness attributes and with strong routine and empathy
style.
This takes me back to my opening story about me asking a
question that was not appropriate for the occasion. At that
very moment I recognized that I put myself in the Forming
stage because that’s where lots of questions are asked not
that the question was not valid but my timing was off
because I should have been operating in the Norming stage
engaging in fun and social activities.
As you go throughout this year and take on new leadership
roles or join another team, be aware of the level of
maturity and ability you bring to the goal of the group. If
you find that you struggle in with any of these stages then
learning proper business etiquette and adopting a self
awareness strategy would help you to overcome your barriers.
Quote:
“If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't
have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your
distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have
effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are,
you are not going to get very far”. Daniel Goleman
Visit us at
www.reevesetiquette.com
if you want more information on how we build confidence,
personal integrity, and respect so that our clients can be
prepared to be part of the team.
Peace
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