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Tell me it ain't so!
Are we losing our minds! Are we so far gone off of the skids
that now anything goes and anything is up for debate?
Try the following scenarios on for size and see if you are,
"down with it."
Scene One: You just came off a long flight and are awaiting
your baggage. You see a nearby restroom marked: Female. You
go to it and before you enter the door, there is a man
dressed like a man...even with a beard and wearing a
baseball cap. You stop. He stops. You go in. He goes in.
Feel safe? Inside there are other "men" doing their
"business." You are the only known woman there. Do you
proceed to a lavatory or you do get the H_ll out of there
and find a bathroom restricted to real women only?
Scene Two: You are at the playground and your daughter, age
seven, wants to go to the bathroom and use the potty. You
look around and see the playground bathroom and you proceed
to it with her in tow. You wait outside the door and she
goes in.
You hear screams. You panic and go in. Inside there are
several "men" hanging around
ostensibly for using the restroom. Your eyes bulge in shock
as you quickly escort your
frightened daughter out of the bathroom.
Scene Three: Your son, age fifteen, is a junior varsity
wrestler. During a break in a match held at a school gym
miles from his home high school, he goes to the bathroom and
inside are three girls who identify as "boys." They are
showering. Does he stay or does he go outside and wait
(there are no other restrooms/showers at this school...all
are gender neutral).
As you can see, this recent hubris about people being
given the right to choose the bathroom of their sexual
orientation is now making the news and if you oppose it, you
can be labeled as being insensitive or a bigot.
If you are a city or a state and you refuse to allow
anyone to choose any bathroom or restroom that they are most
comfortable with, you can lose business or patronage.
Ask North Carolina about what is happening in their state
about transgenders not being allowed to choose their
bathroom of choice but rather they must choose the bathroom
that mirrors their birth sexuality.
Reality check time. If you are a person born with a
"hose" attached to your body, you are a male. No hose you
say? Then you are a female. Not complicated. Right?
But, if you are a person that has a "hose" but thinks
mentally that you are otherwise, stay in the "hose" bathroom
and do your business.
If you are a person who does not have a "hose" but
wants to be where there are
"hoses", stay away and go where other women do their
business.
I know...I know. Everyone wants freedom to do what
they want to do or at least follow the advice of their
doctor/ shrink who tells them to find their ultimate
expression of who they are and that includes choosing the
bathrooms they want to use!
Look at this, this way. If a tiger is born a tiger but
feels later in life that he really is
a gazelle and wants to hang out with the gazelles because he
now identifies as being a gazelle, how do you think that
will work out when that confused tiger approaches a gazelle?
Thought so. And what happens when a zebra yearns to
express their real inner nature and wants to be a leopard?
Simple. The now liberated zebra heads over to the pack of
leopards and says, "Yo, I identify with you, let me in!"
The leopards quizzically look at each other and then
grin and say to each other, "Bros, this is our red letter
day!" as they joyfully approach their unsuspecting lunch.
Now, I do not want to leave my readers in a quandary as to
what to do in split case
decisions, so this is my considered advice:
I propose rather than schools, restaurants, bars and
public buildings spend unnecessary dollars to retrofit their
bathrooms or to add gender neutral bathrooms, that the
following protocols be promptly initiated:
At any public restroom or bathroom, regardless of its
location, employ a bathroom detective (with some minimal
medical training) whose sole job it is to do the following:
Whenever any person wants to enter into a bathroom facility
that person is required to first drop their drawers behind a
privacy screen; and the bathroom detective is required by
law to make a cursory visual inspection of the intimate
"plumbing" of the person.
If it is male plumbing, the detective will blow a
whistle and wave a blue flag pointing out the direction of
the men's room; and if the plumbing is that of a woman, the
detective will blow a whistle and wave a pink flag in the
direction of the women's room.
Simple. To the point. No protests. No appeals. One of
the two flags decides the person's potty room assignment.
Moral of the story: Be what you is and not what you ain't,
because if you ain't what you is, you is what you ain't.
I hope I have now cleared up this delicate public issue
once and for all.
Lafe Tolliver at Tolliver@Juno.com
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