It kinda sounds like your workplace, doesn’t it? Why is
popularity still so important?
Says Prinstein, there’s “more than one type of popularity,”
and there’s a difference between popularity and likeability.
Popular people have status but are often loathed. Likeable
people are, well, likeable. Surprisingly, where you
sat on the spectrum in your youth still affects your adult
decisions, relationships, family, even your income.
According to researchers, most children fall into one of
four categories: Accepted (the kids most kids like);
Neglected (children that are basically ignored); Rejected
(those actively avoided); and Controversial (a category of
extreme like-dislike). Kids know instantly who’s popular and
who’s not, they know where others lie within the categories,
and they’ll sort one another out in short order. Adults
aren’t much different.
We all know somebody at work who fits in each of those
categories, and you may even have an inkling about where you
fit. We need to be liked – it’s a matter of evolution
– but can popularity be a problem?
Yes: some people will go too far for status, to the point of
violence and bullying. Others may be allowed too much status
and power (as in the case of celebrities). Popularity can
also be negatively addicting because we believe it might
make us happy.
It won’t. But one thing’s for sure: “following the example
of likable people might just change our lives.”
Oh, how Popular is going to make you squirm. Whether
you were cheerleader, class leader, or the Last Kid Picked,
reading it will whisk you back to high school with all its
attendant issues and feelings. Wiggle, squirm, wiggle.
And maybe that’s the point: author Mitch Prinstein makes us
want to look inward to explain why we’re always invited for
Happy Hour (or not), and why co-workers cheer or groan at
certain names on team projects. The squirm comes, maybe,
from embarrassment or chagrin, and the realization that “We
never really left high school at all” still bothers us.
Fortunately, there are things we can do to change our
likeability, and to begin to atone for any meanness.
This is an excellent book for anyone who wants to understand
what happened in their childhood or that of their kids, or
for anyone who wants to be more accepted. Popular is
a good book for kids like you. |