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Arming Teachers in School … Are You on Drugs?

By Lafe Tolliver, Esq

Guest Column


President Trump, who seemingly has no original thoughts about anything, is parroting the talking points of one of his puppet masters, the NRA, when he spouts that he would consider arming teachers in the schools and giving them bonus pay for packing heat in the classroom.


The All Negro News Network (ANNN) was in the reporters’ pool at the White House and our reporter was allowed to ask questions after the regular news briefing was over and this is what our intrepid reporter, Efal Revillot, was able to ask President Trump:


Lafe Tolliver, Esq

ANNN: President Trump, when you speak of arming teachers in the public schools, would part of the incentive package for teachers to come forward include hazard pay for duties that are beyond the teaching of math and science and biology?


TRUMP: (a pause and blank eye stare)...The incentives would be huge and amazing! I am thinking at least a two dollar an hour raise for those teachers who volunteer.


ANNN: President Trump, would it be proper to also provide those teachers who volunteer to be the front line of defense for the students a paid-up double indemnity life insurance policy of least

one million dollars with premiums paid by the federal government if they lost their lives trying to eliminate an active shooter in their schools?


TRUMP: (a longer pause but with the same blank stare)...That is an amazing thought!

I will have my chief of staff, John Kelly...if he is still around by that time... to look into the costs of doing that and if so, I will put it in my budget for building that wall along the Mexican Border.


ANNN: What would be the liability to the teacher or the school district in the event that the teacher misfires the gun and injures or kills a student or another teacher in his or her rush in trying to take out the active shooter?


TRUMP: (an even longer pause with the same stare)...We would have to consider the student or teacher who gets shot by another teacher as collateral damage and no liability. Hey, we can’t think of everything! Everybody has got to share the risks!


ANNN: Would it only be fair to include in any additional incentives package for a teacher to wear a weapon that if they are shot and killed that the federal government pays for their funeral expenses?


TRUMP: (a super long pause and now both eyes with a blank stare)...Hey! No more freebies! These teachers gotta have some skin in the game! This is an occupational hazard of being a teacher in America!


ANNN: What are the procedures or protocols if someone breaks into the school and steals the teachers’ guns and uses them in a crime. Who is liable?...the school district or the White House?


TRUMP: ( a super, super long pause and both eyes beginning to slowly close)...Hey! We can’t guarantee anything...we are just talking in order to buy more time so that this conversation will move on to another topic!


ANNN: President Trump, my listeners tell me that no black teacher should agree to be armed because once the police arrive and they see a black person with a gun, they will automatically open fire on that black person and ask questions later. What do you think?


TRUMP: (no more pauses and eyes wide open)... Ben Carson and I thought about that and we have made provisions for that scenario. Each armed black teacher at an all white school would be required to wear a white suit and blue tie and they will be provided with a large orange and black neon sign to hang around their neck that says: “Don’t Shoot...I’m The Negro Teacher!”


ANNN: Mr. President, that is all fine and good but what about white teachers who teach in predominately black and Hispanic schools. What is their protection against being wrongfully targeted as the shooter when the police arrive and see them with a gun?


TRUMP: Ha! Not a problem. White cops instinctively know not to shoot white teachers! Was that a trick question?


ANNN: President Trump, you obviously repeated the speaking points first uttered by the head of the NRA that we need to “harden” our schools and not soften them. What do you mean by, “hardening” the schools?


TRUMP: I am glad you asked that question! This is what you do when you harden a school: (1) no glass windows in any classroom or glass panes in any doors (2) barb wire around all entrances (3) elevated gun posts that can survey within one mile around the school’s perimeter (4) if a shooter gets in one of the schools after all of that, we will have pit bulls stationed in the hallways to attack them (5) if they get past the dogs, we will have iron gates drop from the ceiling to stop their advance (6) if they get past the gates, we will have several highly paid priests stationed along the hallways to be ready to pray for the eventual shooting victims (7) all students will be provided, at minimal cost to them, Kevlar vests and bullet proof helmets. We are working on a special buy with a national retailer that the parents can buy the vest/helmet combo for $119.75 and no tax! (8) the students and their teachers will eat their lunches in their

homerooms to avoid any mass cafeteria shootings and lastly (9), “Thanks and Prayers” go out for any teacher who willingly places their body between the shooter and the students.


ANNN: (I am stunned by those answers and sit there for a moment to collect my thoughts)...Mr President! Are you in your right mind with those outlandish proposals?


TRUMP: (he stands up and puts on his now famous red cap and yells, “The Second Amendment...now and forever!”



Copyright © 2018 by [The Sojourner's Truth]. All rights reserved.
Revised: 08/16/18 14:12:10 -0700.

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