Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or a woman, that’s what
everybody needs but not everyone has learned to do it right.
Maybe early role models argued loudly or behind closed
doors, leaving you with no template for disagreement. Maybe
one parent slept around, imprinting a sense of insecurity.
Or perhaps your childhood was peppered with lessons that
just don’t work anymore.
Whatever you learned early in life, the first rule to keep
now is to love yourself. You can’t know what you want in a
partner unless you know what you want for you. Loving
yourself is the basis of all good relationships.
Treat your body like the precious thing God intended. Stop
being promiscuous, and don’t let your partner talk you into
anything that’s wrong for you and what you want from a
relationship.
“Keep your standards,” says Gaskins.
Pay close attention to potential mates: they’ll show you who
they are and it’s up to you to see it. If you’re still
falling in love, ask yourself seriously if you can live with
their actions and ideals for the next four or five decades.
Don’t put up with liars, name-callers, Mama’s Babies,
profanity-users, or anyone who abuses substances.
“Be selfless” in your relationship by putting your partner
first – and that means no secret-spilling to friends.
Remember that both of you will bear the blame for any rift
in the partnership. Learn how to disagree. And finally, know
what’s worth breaking up over; prayer and a little
soul-searching might surprise you.
Make It Work
is absolutely not a book for everyone.
Page after page after page of it is filled with so many
overgeneralizations that it’s almost laughable: the warning
tones in the abundance of women-do-this, men-do-that
scenarios feel like a marriage manual from the 1950s. The
“female” is painted as a wily being, painfully desperate for
love, using her body to “chase” a man; men are portrayed as
being unable to think of anything but the bedroom. Readers
are cautioned against having opposite-sex friends, because,
well, one of you might not be able to maintain control. Yes,
Eisenhower-Era readers, it’s that clichéd.
But then, just when you think your eyes have rolled plumb
out of your head, author Tony A. Gaskins Jr. surprises
readers with information that is so useful and real
that you’ll gasp. It’s advice that makes incredible sense.
And yes, it could help you do what the title promises.
Finding that, though, may be like a treasure hunt that
yields rhinestones. Gleaning lessons you can use may be a
lesson in frustration. Yes, this book is right for the right
person, but for many readers, Make It Work, won’t.
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