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A Fathers’ Day Message: Who’s Your Daddy?
When Fathers Walk Away It Leads to the Destruction of the
Black Family
By Larry Sykes, Toledo
City Councilman
Guest Column
When my son was about three years old, I brought him along
with me to a men’s accountability group meeting. At the
start of the meeting, I noticed how close to me my son was
sitting.
In an unfamiliar place surrounded by a room full of strange
and scary looking men, he felt frightened and insecure. So
he held on tightly to the only familiar person in that
room…his father. As long as dad was near he felt safe.
The way he clung to me made me think about the importance of
our clinging to God.
Second Kings, chapter 18, describes Hezekiah as a righteous
King.
He was successful and prosperous. But more important,
Hezekiah clung to the Lord. I believe that is the secret to
unleashing the spiritual power in our lives
Clanging to God may sound simple, but it is not as easy as
it may seem. Humans have a propensity to be independent.
After about 30 minutes, my son slowly loosened his grip on
me as he became more comfortable.
But when we become comfortable spiritually, we may begin to
depend on ourselves and our abilities and loosen our grip on
God.
We find ourselves working more and praying less. The secret
to unleashing spiritual power in our lives is to maintain
constant dependence on God... cling to God as if our lives
depended on it, never let go.
Men, there comes a time when we as Christians must render to
Jesus that which is Jesus.
We live at a very critical hour, a very dangerous time in
history! Our mission is to save our children, to save our
children from an imminent and impending doom that has been
prepared for them by the children of a lesser god!
To save them from their ignorance of themselves and of those
of whom they have voluntarily entrusted their destiny.
Our black children seemed to have gone insane and inhuman,
raping, robbing, shooting and killing their very life
support system.
Black children seems not only to be captivated but seems to
be captives of their own oppression!
It seems that they have a psychological oppression that
apparently leads them to self-hate, to self-denial,
self-degradation and eventually to self-destruction.
Brothers n Sisters we need to save them from the systematic
activity that attempts to control their behavior and that of
an entire race of people.
To the extent that they are no longer able to recognize
subjugation and in so doing find themselves so self accusing
that they are unable to render the resistance necessary to
counter the situation.
This is the condition of some of our African-American
children living in the United States of America!
I believe the greatest relational longing that an
African-American child has is the need for a “HEART
CONNECTION” with his or her father.
When that connection is gone – whether it has been severed
or was never established-it launches them into a passionate
search for the love, approval, and affirmation of a father.
African-American children sometimes end up searching in the
wrong place to fill that gap.
Gangs, ambivalent feelings about their manhood or
womanhood, sexual conquest, anger, insecurity and
uncertainty, the inability to establish wholesome
relationships and a host of other challenges batter their
minds and threaten the emotional security of their lives
without the “HEART CONNECTION “with a father.
The tragedy, or the blessing, is that we tend to raise our
children the way we were raised. More often than not we
become the end result of what has been DONE to us more than
of what has been said to us.
If we grew up without a “HEART CONNECTION “to our fathers,
we’ll battle a seemingly irresistible inclination to be
disconnected from our children.
What we live we learn, what we learn we practice, what we
practice we become, and what we become has consequences.
We need God to connect our hearts to our children. Only he
can break the cycle of distance and disconnection and
empower us to begin a new legacy of love and tenderness
bursting forth from our households.
We can equip our children so that they don’t have to long
for the heart connection. They will have it.
It is interesting that the very last verse in the Old
Testament, Malachi 4:6, is a promise from God to “restore
the hearts of the children to their fathers.
“Even though the primary application of the text has to do
with God‘s dealing with the nation of Israel during the end
times, we can’t ignore the powerful application and
implication for our families.
God wants to, and can reestablish the heart relationship
between a father and his children. The word “restore” as
used here suggests that other priorities have caused our
hearts to drift from home.
Time and attention have been given to other things, and
those things, practically speaking, have become more
important than our families.
We didn’t intend for this to happen. In fact, we often
justify the shift in our attention by saying that we are
doing these things in our families’ best interests.
Case in point: We work harder and longer hours to make more
money so that we can improve “the life styles” of our
families.
Although we may improve their life styles, I wonder if we
are improving their lives. Fathers are the most important
commodity to their children.
For the promise to restore the hearts of the fathers to
their children’s in Malachi 4:6 to be realized, as fathers
we must understand the truth that, to our families, our
presence is more important than anything else-including
extra money.
MONEY CAN NOT REPLACE YOUR PRESENCE, THE ABSENCE OF YOUR
PRESENCE AS A FATHER CAN NOT BE BOUGHT.
Seventy four percent of African-American households in
America are headed by single females.
The question that I ask most African-American men is a
simple one: are you a father or a dad?
Dads just donated a (D.A.D) Drop!
Fathers are Forever Around To Help Educate and Raise (F.A.T.H.E.R)
their children.
A boy can make a baby, but it takes a man to raise a child,
if you can’t feed them don’t ‘breed them.
What you live you learn and what you learn you practice and
what you practice you become and what you become has
consequences.
It’s not where you come from, but where you want to go! It’s
not who you are it’s who you want to be. Your zip code
doesn’t determine your success or your area code. It’s not
where you live it’s how you live, you may live in the ghetto
but the ghetto doesn’t have to live in you!
Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go,
they state only where you started.
It was a Greek philosopher who said: look at a child the way
that he is and he only becomes worse, but look at child as
if he is what he could be, and he becomes what he should be.
Challenge yourselves. Someone said adversity is that
particular something that introduces people to themselves
Example, There was a white male who was born in Arkansas and
raised by a single mother and his father was not in his
life. In his own words he stated that growing up he was
considered poor white trash.
On the other side of the world in Hawaii, there was another
young boy who was biracial whose father was not in his life
and he too was raised by a single mother.
Guess what? Both of these young boys grew up to be
successful men, successful politicians and ended up living
at the same address: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. President
Clinton and President Obama.
Rejection lends to directions, sometimes we jump other times
we are push into success. That is why I believe in the five
P’s that is Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance on
your part.
A successful person is one that can lay a firm foundation
with bricks that others have thrown at them.
How do you accomplish that? You have got to be committed and
not just involved. The difference between being involved and
being committed is sample.
The next time you sit down to breakfast and have bacon and
eggs look at it: the chicken was involved but the pig was
committed.
To the young people, remember your history. Rosa Parks sat
down so that Martin Luther King could walk. Martin walked so
that Obama could run and Obama ran so that you could fly!
As long as you have God in your life you have a FATHER the
ultimate FATHER. He will never leave you or forsake you and
will always be there when you need him even when you think
you don’t need him!
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