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I called back to Lindsay. She picked up on the first
ring. "Hi", I said. "This is Lafe Tolliver speaking. How can
I help you?"
With a voice that sounded as if she was just plunged
under water for five minutes, she gasped out, "I gotta see
you now...today about my job. It is urgent!"
I thought to myself, "Me...? about your job as treasurer?"
As if she was reading my thoughts, Lindsay indicated
that based upon some recent bad media coverage, she needed
some good copy about her ability to be the new treasurer of
the county and her friend, "A.B." told her that I write a
widely disseminated opinion column and, with some good
press, she could start to rehab her tarnished image.
Knowing "A.B." as a good guy for many, many years, I
agreed to see her right away in my office.
Lindsay arrived in a near panic and wanted to know how
fast could I get some good copy out in the public about her
qualifications to be a good treasurer.
Not wanting to be bull rushed, I had her sit down in my
conference room and explained what I could do...or not do.
What I could do, I told her, was that I could give her a
simple questions-and-answers exam that, if she performed
correctly, I would have it printed and she could begin to
see her poll numbers move up and not down in spite of the
recent public assertions that she had no qualifications to
be county treasurer since she had a spotty credit reporting
history.
The recent news story also gave the image that if she
could not manage her own household finances, how could she
possibly manage hundreds of millions of dollars of county
funds.
She quickly agreed to the test and having the results
published...but I told her, whatever the results, I would
not hesitate to publish them as a column and thus I hope
that she was confident that she could show her financial
acumen and thus win the day.
We agreed and I went to get the standard test that I
have been using for quite some time when people come to me
when they are challenged about their abilities to manage
monies...especially guardians and people who want a power of
attorney over someone else's monies.
This test was devised by The Merrkick & Heinpp
Associates, a solid and highly-rated financial consulting
group out of the Dallas Forth Worth area. Counties and
cities across the US use a similar test to gauge the
financial depth of applicants for highly placed jobs in the
private sector.
The test that I was to use with Lindsay was three years
old but still it could detect whether the test taker was apt
in the world of complex financial details and problem
solving.
I returned with the test to the conference room
awaiting an anxious nail biting
Lindsay who was pacing up and down the room.
"Lindsay, would you like some music to calm things down?"
"What do you have?", she said.
"How about, Marvin Gaye's classic, ‘What's Going On?’"
"No!" she yelled.
"What about, 'Money, Money, Money!' by the O'Jays?"
"No!" she screamed.
We finally settled on some soothing background music by jazz
musicians Bill Evan and
The Modern Jazz Quartet.
I told her that the instructions for testing the test
were simple. Read the question and write as much as you want
as the answer except for the questions that required a
response in math.
She nodded her head repeatedly and I set the buzz timer
on the clock for 45 minutes and left the room.
Below are a sample of some of the questions and the
answers given by Lindsay. After you read them, you tell me,
is she ready to be someone's treasurer and manage hundred of
millions of tax payer dollars?
Question One:
If two trains leave the train station at the same time and
one is traveling at 60 miles an hour and the other at 90
miles an hour and but has 50 more people on it than the
first train, which train arrives first at a station that is
two hours away?
Lindsay: How can two trains leave a station at the same time
and at different speeds?
Did those other 50 people have tickets to be on that train?
What is the speed limit on that stretch of track? Need more
data to answer this question.
Question Three:
What is the square root of nine times the square root of
sixteen?
Lindsay: When are roots square? I have never seen any square
roots in my vegetable garden patch! What kind of trick
question is this!
Question Eleven:
The price of Dama Stock is $2.46 on Tuesday but by Friday,
the price has risen to $4.92. What percentage of an increase
has there been on this stock?
Lindsay: I would never buy Dama Stock! What were the prices
on Wednesday and
Thursday? What caused the price to go up! Need to know more!
Question Fifteen:
A grocery store lists a price of celery for .89 cents a
bundle.
You stock up and buy five bundles. How much is your cost,
not including tax?
Lindsay: Ughh! I hate celery. Now if you said carrots, I
could help you but not on celery questions. And besides, who
buys so much celery...and for what?
Question Seventeen:
You receive a detailed and thorough sales pitch to invest in
some attractive but pricey robotic stocks out of Japan. They
will sell you five million shares and with no commission but
only if you buy before the market closes today. What do you
do?
Lindsay: I ask them if they have something besides robotic
stocks! I also make sure that the stock is coming from Japan
and not South Korea or Hong Kong.
Question Twenty:
Do you prefer single entry or double entry bookkeeping for
day to day accounting entries?
Lindsay: Single, of course! There is something fishy about
entering the same thing twice into the books. Everyone
knows that you can find things faster if you only have to
look for it once...not twice!
After the time was up, I thanked Lindsay for her time
and promised that I would publish the sample questions and
her unabridged answers. Now that you have seen them, do you
think she is qualified to be treasurer over hundreds of
millions of taxpayer dollars?
Contact Lafe Tolliver at
tolliver@juno.com
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